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Monday, 23 November 2009

  • "You can't go home again"

    The phrase "you can't go home again" has never rung more true for me than right now.  I came home a week ago, after being away for eight months.  Everything is so different.  I find myself in a state of disconnect and discontent.  The people I used to call friends don't have time for me, my family is busy with work and their everyday lives and activities, and for me - I'm home for two weeks and I have nothing to do.  I don't know what to do with myself at all.  My family tries to incorporate me in what they can, but lets face it they all have their own lives and I haven't really been part of it for awhile now.  Lately I've just been sitting at home, watching tv, reading, and cleaning.  I just finished cleaning out the refridgerator actually.  It feels as though my life has no purpose here.  I love my family with all my heart and I enjoy spending time with them, but they can't entertain me all the time; nor do I expect them to.  It is a strange feeling to come home. It's not the place where I belong.  I've really no friends, no nothing here.  I feel alone and as a stranger even when I go into Wal-Mart.  I don't recoginize anyone.   I do things by myself.  Yesterday, I drove around and explored the area.  It was fun for awhile, but when you've got no one to share your discoveries with and no one to get lost on back roads with, it's not really that fun.  Oh well, I suppose I'm just longing for my home away from home.  The place where I work, and have friends and feel purposeful.  "You can't go home again," holds more truth than I ever could've imagined. I long for adventure and someone to share that adventure with.  Home may be where the heart is, but it will never be the same as it used to be, never the way I remembered and once loved it. 

Saturday, 19 September 2009

  • writing

    I miss writing, I'm not very good at it, but I miss it.  Writing was a means for me to put into words what's going on in my life, whether or not there was someone there to hear me.  I need to strart writing to you Xanga.  I've missed you.  Well, since this is the first post of something I hope to do a couple of times a week, I'll leave you with a silly poem that I wrote for class.  It had to have several components to it, and i'm not a writer by any means, so it is what it is.  It is by no means a literary gem, in fact, it's barely anything at all, but still here it is: Enjoy

     

    Mudaybi’

     

    Jordan, a country of peace and absolute beauty

    Tranquil and alluring

    Karak provided a view of the broad shouldered plateau, yearning for a drink

    Nickel provided a view of countless cisterns, waiting patiently to be burdened by rain

    But Mudaybi’ reflected nothing more than a heap of hajar

    But time passed and the reflection changed

    Days went by and ana mish fahim

    Mudaybi’ became home; my heart settled amidst the hajar and my soul dwelled in the gate complex

    The longer I stayed, my vision transformed into that of adoration for the small fortress

    At the end of our season the reflection changed; Mudaybi’ was now the object of my heart’s desires

     

Thursday, 25 June 2009

  • loosing touch

    I feel as though I am loosing touch with xanga.  I stopped receiving the updates via email, and not to mention It is very hard for me to keep up with blogging.  I am learning lots here in Jordan.  I'm not really sure what I want to write about today actually.  I know I am about three days behind in actually blogging, but I woke up from my nap grumpy, sat through pottery washing and reading even though my square produced nothing.  I am now bored and not in the mood to write and talk about the past couple of days or even today.  Perhaps I will be more inclined tomorrow since it is my day off.  I'm not sure what we are doing in the morning, but perhaps it is something lovely and fun. 
    Hopefully my mood will improve. 

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

  • a brief overview

    I feel very behind. The internet has been rather slow lately and I haven't quite had a chance to catch up here. 

    Well 20 June was the last day of our weekend.  We were given the day off and told we could explore the crusaders castle which is next door to the rest house of which we have taken up residence.  At 9am, Big John said that he would take whoever wanted to go with him and show them around a little bit.  So When I got there at nine I said the magic word to get me in the door free and there was Dr. Mattingly and most of the group was there as well.  Dr. M was explaining some of the history and other things related to the castle.  That man is so smart I can hardly stand it.  :)  Anyway, after he was done, he told us to take the day to explore and maybe not see everything today, but use the opportunity we have to see it in different lights depending on the time of day.  So I went along with Big John, Emily, and Don.  We were the core group with Gerald joining us later.  It was exciting to learn about the castle and the different rooms and what different things were used for. Also it was interesting to see that they are still doing excavations on the castle trying to open more rooms and passages.  Perhaps I will be lucky enough to come back again in my lifetime and see what new things/rooms they have uncovered.  It was so much fun because if this were in the United States, you would not be allowed to do many of the things we were doing. They would be "too dangerous," which is code for "we don't want a lawsuit in case someone stupid does something they shouldn't." but we were on the roof and walking near the edge to look down at the moat and just how high and nearly impenetrable this castle would have been.  It was an exciting adventure, I'm excited for when I'll get to experience it again. 

    21 June, was the first day of excavation!!  We got a wake up call at 4am (I didn't need it, I had been up since 315, due to my continuing jet lag), once we ate breakfast we boarded the buses and arrived at the site between 530-545am.  This was too late however, the sun was already up and particularly blinding on the drive out to the site.  But still-first day!!  :)  Once we got there we were the six of us who tagged along as volunteers were assigned our field/square assignments.  I was assigned to field B, square P-8, with Ted as my supervisor.  However, at the time I was a little disappointed because that was my last choice field to be in.  I am working in the gate complex. For some reason that just didn't interest me at all.  But, I do what I'm told and just work.  Linda and I are the two workers assigned to field B. Have you ever just had those people that rub you the wrong way, but no one would ever know it by observing?  Well, in my head, she and I just don't really get along very well.  She does a lot of things that drive me crazy and oh I don't know. Well it doesn't matter.  She is a really nice lady, I guess I am just a critical control freak. 
    After we set up the sieves, Ted has us start excavating.  In the square we are working, we have a fallen pylon.  So, to be able to be a front - end loader in to lift it out, we have to what is called "pedistooling."  That is where you remove all the dirt surrounding the object to where it is just sitting on either a rock or soil pedistool.  We did have to create a space under each piece (there are three) of the broken pylon so we can wrap a cable around it to be able to lift it out.  The more I worked in this square the more I began to like it.  There is a lot of excitement in that field.  We are not necessarily going to find much pottery or many objects because of its location, but hopefully under the pylon there will be a bench that matches the other side of the gate.  What is so special is, we are hoping that the fallen pylon preserved it and we will be able to find the bench with its plaster still in-situ (intact, in its original location).  It was an exciting day for me though.  I found my first object on my first day!!!  I found a piece to the base of a basalt grinding stone.  They were impressed that I found it and didn't discard it.  It was one of my happiest moments thus far. Its not much to look at, but because of my overactive imagination, I was able to realize that it was something.  (I did that several times, imagine in my head that this rock could have been something, when it reality, mother nature formed it) 

    That afternoon after lunch and a brief siesta, we had a session for pottery washing.  Since my field only produced five sherds, I didn't wash a thing.  Well, that's a lie, I did wash a ton of plastic crates.  We use these to store our dried pottery and objects that we find.  By the time we were done, I was a bit wet and dirty, but it was fun and frustrating (simply because it took much longer than it should have due to 6 people washing out of a group of over 20)

    Well, I have been having fun and learning so much.  Ted is a good teacher and offers to let me do anything I would like to learn to do.  This really is a unique group of people to work with because of this.  They don't treat volunteers as simply laborers, they teach them as eager human beings who are capable to learn and participate and do what they do.  I'm not sure what God has in store for me during this trip, but once I figure it out, i'll be sure to report back to you. 

Sunday, 21 June 2009

  • 18 and 19 June

    We went to the site for the first time.  It was the first time for the veterans in 8 years.  It was interesting looking at the site, and a bit of excitement raged through my veins as I got to look around and listen to the square supervisors talk about their perspective squares and their goals and hopes for this field season.  I have two thoughts as I look around: 1) is this real? am I really here? and 2) am I taking this opportunity/experience for granted?  Sometimes I don't feel like I am shocked enough or in awe enough.  I am in a most beautiful place, taking part in a once in a lifetime opportunity, yet I feel as though this is just another part of life and it's normal and not as breathtaking as it truly is.  I have for awhile felt like apathy has struck me like a debilitating disease without a cure. 
    Well, in the afternoon, we came back and worked on pre-season things such as reinforcing papers, compiling field notebooks, stringing pottery tags, etc...  Once that was finished my roommate and I, Hadassah decided to walk and explore the city.  It was fun, but we were gawked at by everyone. It was funny because a lot of people asked us where we were from and we replied 'America' but this one guy was convinced that we were from Poland.  After we told him "America" he said: "What?  I thought you were from Poland, your white skin and you you very tall!!"  It was good fun.  We also met this young girl of fifteen, sadly I don't remember her name, but we talked with her for awhile between our limited arabic and her limited English~it was fun.  Later as we were on our way back to the Rest House she ran across the road to us and stopped us and gave us gifts. She gave us a pack of gum and a candy bar.  Both delicous I might add :)
    19 June, we went back out to the site again, mostly for the guys to finsish building the Harold (which is the toilet) while the rest of us got the opportunity to wander and take pictures of the site.  I really explored and took a lot of pictures. The site sits right at the edge of they Syrian desert.  Apparently because of the fajj (which is so vast and beautiful, and barren of course) the site is easily visible from google earth.  We also did some sight seeing we went to Dhat Ras, which is an ancient temple built for an undetermined diety. I was a little disappointed though.  It was a really neat temple and we couldn't go inside because the gate was locked, unlike in 2001 when the team was last here.  After that site we visited was the ancient graveyard of Mahi.  I took lots of pictures.  This was pretty cool too.  There were some overly clingy boys who wanted pictures with me, but the word "halas" ended that. 
    The evening ended pleasently with me writing in my journal while sitting on my windowsill looking at the lights from Jerusalem.  I also had the urge to read some passages in my Bible refering to Jerusalem.  I  started with Psalms 137 and then just read others Psalms.  It was the most wonderful and peaceful evening.  The cool air, night lights, and spectacular view.  I just wish more people could come and see this most spectacular place.  God created beauty.  Beauty is defined differently everywhere.  Since I've been here I've seen a beauty that I've never experienced before in my life!!  I wish I had more than my small vocabulary to convey the way I'm feeling to you.  I wish I could...

helgasponge

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    • Name: helgasponge
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